Stonedvet 3 Step Emotional Intelligence Framework

Posted by Darrell Milam on

Stonedvet 3 Step Emotional Intelligence Framework

What's up, Stonedvet Army?

After going through the Tony Robbins Breakthrough 2022 challenge, I've been reflecting and taking inventory of my life more specifically my emotional intelligence.

Just curious, what is the biggest obstacle you are conquering today?

Myself, I have been working on emotional intelligence.

I wonder, do you struggle with emotional intelligence too?

It's something that has been bothering me for a long time, so I'm thankful I've been able to learn about the 'Crazy 8' between anger and depression.

Have you experienced this 'Crazy 8' in your life?

Do you ever go from angry to depressed and back to angry again?

If so, you know it sucks, right?

However, thanks to Tony Robbins, I am learning to understand the '6 Human Needs' and how they are directly related to our emotional intelligence.

Does that sound interesting?

An example to illustrate how '6 Human Needs' can work for growing emotional intelligence would be, is when I feel uncertain or insignificant, I recognize a typical response is that I become angry.

Do you ever feel like this, or is it just me?

(I know it's not 😉)

Anyway, feeling like this sucks.

Besides, any emotionally intelligent person knows that anger shortens our life. Having a short life sucks, because this lessens the impact, we can make with our already brief life.

Also, no one really wants to be around an angry asshole, am I right?

I've also learned that a natural response is to feel depressed when I am bored or feel lonely.

How's that for emotional intelligence?

But what happens when you feel depressed for too long?

It would be a common response if you said that you tend to get mad.
I know that I get tired of being sad and get mad at myself for not being stronger.

Thankfully I learned about Tony Robbins 'Crazy 8' and the '6 Human Needs' frameworks because that information has changed everything!

So now you might be asking yourself, "What are the 6 Human Needs?"
Or, if you're anything like me, you've recognized their significance and looked them up already. Haha!

Click the link above to read about them directly from Tony Robbins. But basically Tony developed the '6 Human Needs' sometime way back in the '80s. Tony has used this framework for decades because it allows him to quickly give individuals the tools necessary to create massive change in themselves.

The '6 Human Needs' in a nutshell are:

  • Certainty
  • Uncertainty/Variety
  • Significance
  • Love/Connection
  • Growth
  • Contribution

Seriously, if you want to know more I suggest you click this link and read the short descriptions of each of these needs.

The 'Crazy 8' framework suggests that individuals who are not meeting their '6 Human Needs' tend to feel "Out of control." And swing from one emotional extreme to another in a sideways eight or 'infinity' pattern.

Getting caught in this pattern or exiting in a downward motion causes many problems in an individual's life.

Some examples of leaving the 'Crazy 8' downward in direction might be:

  • Alcoholism 
  • Drug Abuse 
  • Gang Involvement 
  • Porn Addiction 

Getting caught in this 'Crazy 8' will often cause:

  • Loneliness
  • Alienation
  • Withdraw
  • Disdain for others
  • Etc.

Now that I know what I was experiencing was/is normal, it's much easier for me to take a breath, knowing I can relax a little bit.

Do you see how this might be helpful in your life too?

Honestly, because of this information I am now able to stop, take a moment and recognize that I am angry or depressed.

Start to acknowledge the feeling, and then ask myself which of the '6 Human Needs' I am satisfying with this feeling/behavior?

Course adjust, and move in a useful direction that is now meeting my need in a more productive manner.

Does that sound helpful?
Are you following along?

Seriously, it's as easy as 1 - 2 - 3.

  1. Recognize - That I am feeling an undesired emotional response due to one of my '6 Human Needs' not being satisfied in a positive productive manner. 
  2. Acknowledge - What I am feeling is a normal and natural reaction to one of the '6 Human Needs' not being satisfied.
  3. Course Correct - Once I have identified which of the '6 Human Needs' the feeling or behavior satisfies, it becomes as simple as asking myself what might meet the human need more productively.

Sounds simple, right?

I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it is... It isn't, but you can do it.

Because you are here today reading this, you have devoted the time and energy, I know you can do this!

Isn't it great knowing that you now possess a new tool that you can use to take charge of your emotions?

I believe in you, and your ability to succeed at anything you put your mind too!

But when I am having a rough time, as many others do, I try to remember to take it one day at a time, recognizing effort and rewarding results.

For me, this looks like jotting down my successes in my journal. 

That's not too much of a burden, is it?

This one thing alone, writing down my successes, makes a huge impact. It is easy for me to quickly look back at my victories when feeling down or anxious, and remember I am making measurable progress.

I hope this has helped you, I know it is only the beginning of the rabbit hole. My sincere hope is that you do go further down! The world becomes a better place the more each of us learns, shares, and grows. 

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